Hi all. I'm new here and I don't know where else to turn. My fiancee is an alcoholic. He started drinking heavily when I got pregnant (I was 19, and we were both in college... not at all prepared for a baby) but I made the decision to keep the baby, and accept the financial and emotional help that both of our families were offering us. My fiancee thought that accepting money and support from our families made him "less of a man" and that he was a failure for not being able to support his family.
On new years eve he got more drunk than I've ever seen him. I called his dad and told him that he needed to come and take him to the hospital. I just needed him to go away, I just couldn't handle it anymore. He spent a week in the psych ward at the hospital and then had a 2 week trip to rehab.
He was only out of rehab for a little over a week before he relapsed. I ignored it the first time... and the second. Then on monday (feb 7) I caught him drinking, and I told him to pack his sh!t and get out. He was playing some game on his computer (another major addiction that he refuses to admit to.) so I grabbed his drink and dumped it down the sink and told him again to get out. He finally left (we have 1 car, i made him leave the keys, so he walked) and stayed out all night. He called me the next day and asked me to let him come home. I said no, but told him that I would bring him some clothes, and that he needed to not contact me for a while. He's been staying at a flea bag motel in the area and I've seen him walking the streets during the day.
He keeps saying that he's doing me and our son a favor by leaving, and that we're much better off without him. Yesterday he told his dad that we should all just move on and pretend that he's dead. He's extremely suicidal and I am terrified that I'm going to get a phone call saying that he's dead. I've been going to al-anon for about a month now and I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to fully being detached from him. I love him so much, but I just can't be with him right now. I know I did the right thing by making him leave, but I just can't imagine the rest of my life without him. I could really use some kind words, because even though our families are going through this with me, nobody knows how I feel.
for reading my novel.