Originally Posted by
RedBaron 
The reality is that she's broken every boundary that I've ever set, and she'll just break them again.
She is breaking your boundaries a) because she's an active alcoholic and b) because you are letting her. You are showing her that there are no consequences for her actions.
Originally Posted by
RedBaron So what it really comes down to is whether I want to roll the dice on a divorce. And, as I said in the earlier thread, I'm playing for some big stakes there. I say no reeking of booze; she comes home reeking, and I obviously can't throw her out of what is after all her own house without a court order; so off I go to court, she comes up with some abusive husband rubbish with the help of a slick attorney, and I am the one out of the house and the kids are stuck with her and her drinking. Yeah, the court ougth to find in my favor, but like I say, it's a hell of a roll.
RedBaron, I know you're afraid of losing custody, but before you do anything else, speak with a lawyer (and consult a few others to get a different opinion). I remember feeling the same fear that my XAH would get unsupervised visitation of our child, because where I live, fathers' rights are really pushed, and even supported by somewhat extreme human rights' groups. I honestly felt a lot better after getting some legal advice. Where I was concerned, my XAH's alcoholism was never proven, and neither was his abuse. Furthermore, his abuse was towards me and not our child, so he got granted unsupervised visitation for 3 hours a week. But, in the end, with the help of my lawyer, SR, counselling and PATIENCE, I won out on him by waiting. I also got sole physical custody because he was too lazy to come to court or to hire a lawyer.
Things CAN work out, but you'll never know if you don't give it a shot. Perhaps there is a way for you to ask for supervised visitation for your AW until she has proven herself to be sober for a certain amount of time. If at any time you have proof that she isn't, then you can enforce legal consequences.
I know it sucks to have to do this, but you are going to provide a SANE and healthy environment for your kids. Yes, you may have to navigate the trecherous waters of coparenting with an alcoholic x partner, but when you do, we will still be here to support you. You can also see about getting support from your AW's family as well as your own.
There are other options. You do not have to remain trapped and a hostage to your wife's addiction.