Beth, did you read what I posted his roommate said about him last night? When pressed further, his second email said he wouldn't call him an alcoholic, but this person feels he does drink too much overall. The reason this person thinks he drinks too much overall is because he's lonely.
That's what I see in him too. My conclusion based on this is that if he isn't an alcoholic and he has control over this and it's not a disease, he would need to make some changes. I'm a good woman. If we do date, and it progresses, I think he may feel that I'm worth it.
What I do know is that in a person who needs to change, there must be some incentive for change to happen.
Too many people enable the alcoholic, I think most of you would agree on that. That is why a lot of you on here, probably most, stayed and put up with the problem for way too long. Coming from a family where there were alcoholics, there has to be zero tolerance. That is why Nicole kidman organized an intervention for Keith Urban. He needed help and she wasn't going to live with him until he got it. So, for those of you who think I'm desperate for a man, my thinking on this and other posts should clear it up. That thinking is: Either he gets the helps he needs to change, or I'm leaving.
It's that simple. I know this sounds harsh, but it's reality. For those of you who stayed and enabled, you are responsible for your own misery. You didn't have to live with alcoholic. You should have gave that ultimatum. If he refused, then your next step was obvious. Leave. When he was ready to sober up, he could come back into your life. But, not before than. Sure, alcohol and cigs are very addicting, but anyone can quit, even if they are forced. And sometimes it takes force, and that may be wrapped up in a hospital in a straight jacket. I do ultimately the alcoholic has to want to live healthy for himself. If he doesn't and you aren't seeing any change or progress, Leave.
I'm not saying it's not hard. But, it's simple in terms of what the family member or friend has to do: Again, expect change and if it's not forthcoming, leave. Zero Tolerance. If you let the alcoholic destroy your life, then you have no one to blame for yourself. You have to make a stand for yourself.