Thanks for this thread. I have been following it. I almost posted earlier. Doglva, the part that caught my attention is when you wrote that you feel sorry for this guy & you are attracted to his vulnerability.(It reminds me of me & what kind of men I have been attracted to!) I think I read somewhere (maybe Alanon literature) that we (meaning those like us F&F of A's) often mistake pity for love.
You mentioned President Obama. Of course, I don't know the inside story but from the outside they look like they have a healthy partnership (even though probably on some level Mrs. Obama does a little enabling or allowing of the President's compulsions (i. e. cigarettes, power, etc.). She seems to be the one having to make the extra compromise or concessions for the President's ambitions, choices, etc. (I don't see her as weak or co-dependent by any means). I often look at their relationship (the one projected to the public) & think, "Wow! What an ideal relationship!" (Of course, I could be oh so wrong!)
No relationship is perfect. . . .while this may be true, a lot of us here have to be careful
not to use this to justify our very imperfect, unhealthy relationships. Being in a relationship with or knowingly entering a relationship w/ an A and those w/ compulsive
behaviors says & reveals a lot about us.
Good luck, whatever you decide!