Smacked has a depth and breadth of this experience you are rapidly approaching on this topic. You may not like what she has to say, and it may hurt, but your "try being a man" excuse is BS.
I am a man. I've been one for 45 years. I lived through what you are living through. Here's what I lost in my divorce: money and possessions. Here's what I lost by waiting to do it for so long: my daughter and 12 years of my life. Here's what my daughter lost: the ability to have healthy relationships with other people.
Guess which one of these things has been the easiest to get back? Guess which ones I'll never get back? And guess which one I have to let go of?
So, be defensive if you want, or by honest with yourself, acknowledge what you already know, and as painful and terrifying as it is, do what you already know you have to do. If not for you, then for your children.
I was naive, righteous, selfish, and afraid. If you are any of those things, let them go and do the right thing.
I, too, will back out of this thread now.
Take care and good luck.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
RedBaron 
The reality is that she's broken every boundary that I've ever set, and she'll just break them again. So what it really comes down to is whether I want to roll the dice on a divorce. And, as I said in the earlier thread, I'm playing for some big stakes there. I say no reeking of booze; she comes home reeking, and I obviously can't throw her out of what is after all her own house without a court order; so off I go to court, she comes up with some abusive husband rubbish with the help of a slick attorney, and I am the one out of the house and the kids are stuck with her and her drinking. Yeah, the court ougth to find in my favor, but like I say, it's a hell of a roll.
As to Ms. "You're Just as Guilty" you should try being a man in this situation and seeing what your options are. If I were a woman, this would have been resolved in my favor years ago. I would have thrown my spouse out, divorced them and be living off the half of the assets with certain custody of the kids. But it doesn't work like that for a guy. And no amount of self-righteousness will change that.