I have read this thread several times, and to be honest I am appalled at what is happening to your children. If you don't think so, go over to the "Adult Children Of Alcoholics" forum and do some reading.
Take Cyranoak's post, copy and paste it and then print yourself out several copies, one to put on your computer screen at work, one for your car, one for your nightstand, etc
Red Baron, for your sake and that of your children, get thee to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as humanly possible. A breathalizer? Really? Can't you see how insane that is and how insane your life has become?
Do you want to see what it does to children the age of yours? Come by my house and you can see my now 15-year old daughter's self-inflicted scars, talk to her about what kind of boys she thinks would make a good boyfriend, hear about her depression and control-freak nature, and answer her when she asks how, as her father, I could have left her alone with her mother and kept her mother around.
I don't know if you feel guilty at all, nor do I believe you necessarily should, but if you do feel guilty that's nothing compared to how you are going to feel in 10 years if you continue to enable your wife.
You and your wife are teaching your children everything they will ever know about relationships between men and women. You can save your children, but will you?
Take care my friend, from somebody who's been there.
Please get to some AlAnon meetings to learn how to set and keep some BOUNDARIES for you and the children, ie:
No drinking in the house.
No alcohol whatsoever in the house.
No returning to the house 'reeking' of alcohol.
These are YOUR boundaries, not rules for her.
Then you will have to decide what action will be taken if they are broken.
IMO your wife is NOT in recovery. She is PLAYING at recovery and is using HER VERSION of the AA program to continue to BS and manipulate.
When will 'enough' be enough for you RB? I hope soon as it is having a very bad affect on your children.
J M H O
I pray you find your answers soon for your children's sake.
Love and hugs,