It depends upon how you define abusive. Nasty verbally/or physically abusive--no, not all alkies are that, but in other ways they hurt the people around them. Not showing up for a child's event (they don't forget that--my daughter is 19 and still remembers Dad not showing up for a father/daughter kindergarten event even though he promised he'd be there--the booze took priority). I'm sure my ex doesn't remember this in the slightest nor is aware of how this and similar habits affected her. Embarrassing the spouse and the children or other families members, letting bills go unpaid because the bar tab came first, not being there for sick family members or family events--none of those things would likely be defined as abuse, but they are hurtful, and it seems to me the A's in most cases don't understand that they have caused hurt in this manner.