She finally came home late last night. She refused to take a test, saying that her attorney (didn't know she had one up until this point) had told her to not to. Eventually, she agreed to take one, and did so, but refused to show me the results! She claims that it showed zero the first time, and then 0.20% BAC to second time, and that this proves that the unit is faulty and therefore can't be trusted. After a while, she then agreed to try a much cheaper unit that I had, and that showed 0.01% -- a very low number. A little while later, it showed 0.00%.
I can only conclude that she was drinking earlier in the day -- the smell was unmistakble to me -- but that she suceeded in running the clock down to the point where it was out of her system, or least beyond the ability of the $30 unit to detect. The fact that she wouldn't show me the results from the $200 pro unit is telling: If it really said zero, there's no way she wouldn't have stuck it right in my face. Also, the constant delaying of coming home was not for no reason.
We then got into a long discussion which to my amazement seemed mostly about *my* behavior. She says that I don't talk to her nicely enough, and (and I can't believe I'm writing this) that seven years ago I was mean to her in an antique store. She also says that I have no compassion for anyone and I am selfish. She kept giving as an example a time when I was working on the beach house with my dad, and I didn't think about the impact going up and down stairs was having on his knees. Yes, I should have thought, but is this really worth worrying about at this point??? And also at school soccer games, I shout too much and it embarasses her, and if I cared about her I'd stop, but I just don't think about other people. Oh, and (get this!) I smack my lips when I eat and I don't try to control it because I just don't give a damn! (Guilty to smacking, but I don't even know I'm doing it half the time, and I do try!)
So this is where we're at: She keeps me up until 1:30am going on and on about all this stuff and how I need to change if our marriage is to work, and how as part of her 4th step or something she's going to have to make a list of all the resentments she has against me and gid rid of them if she's going to be better. It felt ridiculous at the time, but writing it down now, it's even more unbelievable. I mean, talk about taking the plank out of your own eye first. And on top of that I had to get up at 5am this morning to get the report done that I should have finished last night, while she gets a nice relaxing morning at the house watching TV or surfacing the internet.
Anyway, so this morning, the youngest boy didn't want anything to do with her. At her request, I spoke to him, and told him that mommy's test came back zero, so that perhaps she hadn't been drinking. He wanted to know how come she smelled like that then, and then decided that perhaps she'd been online and figured out a way to beat the test. (Even in this tragedy, he does say the cutest things!) But he obviously has no trust in her right now, and who can blame him?
She's being very nice to be today: That's the biggest sign that I was right last night, as the only time she behaves like this is when she knows that she's screwed up.
On to the pastor this evening. That should be good for a laugh...