I think I get what Floss is trying to say - I don't like my reality much either. But that doesn't mean I prefer it over the delusion I was living. Just that my fantasy in my head was better than both reality and the delusion! The dream I had for this marriage, family... I know now its not my reality and that just sucks.
But I don't think the delusion was mine - I think my RAH was the one who was delusional. Some of the crap he made up was priceless - truly creative! I wasn't the one with the messed-up brain high on drugs and alcohol. I was the one standing on the sidelines watching this all and saying WTF is the matter with this guy? Then I went to an Al-Anon meeting, got handed the newcomer's packet and the clouds parted and I could see clearly now. Amazing how my whole perspective shifted and everything suddenly made sense again. I never believed the delusions, I just thought he was nuts. Now I know he's just an alcoholic.