HI, I am also living with someone who is "sober" after treatment.
Its been four months.
HE started going to a bar more nights than not about a month ago. He says he is not drinking, does not smell of it, and does not act drunk.
I guess what I hear here, and on the alcoholism board is that he is not in "active recovery", either way. So it does not really matter.
Neither is she.
How many meetings is she doing?
Is she erratic? Is she abusive, manipulative?
I guess what I am hearing is, does it matter if she drinks, if she is still acting erratic and making your life crazy. ...not to mention the kids.
Mine put in a good initial effort to be calm, to try to communicate. It all started to fall apart after 3 weeks, slowly.
At four months, he wants to move out, and I am not arguing. He is untreated for bi polar. Wont take meds, skips psych appointments.
I want him out, he doesnt contribute to the parenting, unless its on his terms, on his timeline. He is dirty living, going to his old haunt often. He works, but that seems to be all he can keep together. He says he is doing it for our security, but I see no more money than from child support which is taken from him at the payroll. And it doesnt even cover his share of rent, etc...
She sounds like a handful, and u could probably save yourself a lot of grief and just ask her to leave now.
She is not ready to conform to living within a family. Mine apparently wants that but is incapable of it.
HE cannot manage working, staying sober and the pressure and stress of being around a child, and the expectation of level headedness and good judgement.
I am heartbroken that it cannot work, am being blamed, and it is hard, but your situation seems more volatile and much sooner.
She does not sound ready.
I am sorry you are dealing with it.
Just for the record, I feel if your six Y.O. smelled alcohol on her, you dont need to administer a breathalyzer. The kids know that smell. They know it too well. It is a shame that he knows it, but I would trust that he is not fabricating it. They tend to want to believe the best about the parent, and, mine, at least would never say daddy was drinking unless it was absolutely honest for him. Mine may even have kept it to himself, since he knows daddy will have to leave.