View Single Post
Old 02-11-2011, 02:23 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
brokenheartfool
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Invisigoth's reply is interesting. Us F&F of alcoholics see something as abusive which alcoholics don't--which is that they are "checked out" emotionally often, even the nicest of alcholics. My ex was very nice, but!

I suppose seeing that "checked out" or whatever somebody would like to define what happens to thinking and feeling patterns that changes while intoxicated--seeing that behavior as abusive to the relationship, may be sometimes only the view from the sober side.
So, in reply to the original question--my ex was not abusive in most definitions of what abuse is. He was very nice, generous, and thoughtful at times, just like anybody else.

But he protected his addictions, and if I stepped on those, there was trouble. As long as I left his addictions to him and didn't discuss them, or even pretend they existed, he was very happy with me.

I felt emotionally cheated. I felt the relationship was emotionally cheated out of a "present" half of that equation. Intoxicated daily, he simply wasn't present--he was far and away in his alcohol. I found that "abusive" to the relationship.

Compared to many stories, he was far less abusive than many. Oh, I forgot--does combating a big ego, and manipulation count as abuse? It sure felt like it.
brokenheartfool is offline