Thanks, Tuffgirl! You are so right...I don't have to commit to anything right in this moment. But I am a planner, and not having a plan is starting to take its toll. I am starting to wonder why I waste my time considering our future together when I obviously do not have ultimate control over anything as long as I am tethered to an active alcoholic. The rules seem to change constantly depending on his current line of reasoning regarding his drinking. He is currently in the "I quit drinking for a couple of weeks and remained cheerful to boot; therefore, I can control my drinking and don't have a real problem. So I will continue to drink even though I just got the results of routine bloodwork back that showed an issue with my liver enzymes." Immediately prior to that two week abstinence, we had been in the self-loathing stage where he says, "I am an alcoholic...this is ruining my life. I can't drink at all b/c I have no control." When I asked him what changed, he said, "Things change." wtf???? Evidently, when I told him I didn't want to go to NC with him if he didn't quit drinking, he thought that was reasonable until he didn't think so anymore, and now that he doesn't think it is reasonable, I should just automatically agree. He told me he hadn't wanted to drink last night until our conversation about his whole change in mindset about his drinking. I laughed out loud and told him he didn't want to drink because of our conversation...he wanted to drink because he's an alcoholic, just as he had admitted only two weeks before! I'm telling you, my sister is OCD, and this alcoholism thing presents very much like a mental illness. Anyway, blah, blah, blah...I've got to get a plan b/c I am not willing to spend much more of my thought life on this...I have children to attend to and a life to live, and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!