Please seek counseling with the provider of your choice and recovery through Al-Anon or another program for people who have survived alcoholics. I have heard people describe coming out of relationship like yours as having PTSD. I'm not a doctor, can't diagnose anything, and I'm not saying you have anything.
What I am saying is seek help other than this board. Stay on the board, just don't have the board be your end all be all.
Take care,
Cyranoak