Hi and welcome. First of all........IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Please, please know that. Alcoholics by nature are manipulative. That is what they do.......make you feel so low that there is no point in leaving them because you now believe that you don't deserve any better. I am willing to bet that the vast majority of us on this site who have been affected by an alcoholic, especially a BF, GF or spouse, have or have had in the past feelings of inadequecy and low self worth. You are not alone. I know that you have broken up, but a lot of the symptoms of the relationship will take time to heal. Have you ever gone to an Alanon meeting? I started going and learned how to put the focus back on ME and not on him. Slowly, every day, I get small pieces of ME back. You will too. And please keep coming to SR. Read and post. This site has been a lifesaver for many of us. We all can relate. I haven't completely risen above it yet, but I think some people here have, and I am sure they will chime in. All I can tell you is that this relationship has changed you, some of it you will get back...you will be stronger and some day you will wake up and feel better!
Keep coming here......it helps!
Melissa