NoelleR

Since no one else has addresed this, I guess I will. Ultimatums are when we try to force others' behaviors, and they rarely, if ever, work. Boundaries are when we state what behaviors WE will accept, and those that WE won't, and what OUR actions will be if said boundaries are crossed.....

What you wrote here is a perfect example of an ultimatum, and we can see how that worked...........:
"...I reassured my boundaries with him. Dont call, text, or write my kids!! He said, okay..."

Now, I'm not the best person when it comes to setting boundaries, but I'll give this a go.....

In the example given, it may be better if you get together with your son, and decide what he will want to do if your 'AH' attempts to, or actually does, contact him.....in other words, something like this..........:

"Son does not want any contact with/from you (AH). If you call, text, call, or write son, son will not respond, will hang up calls, will not respond to texts or e-mails, will delete e-mails and texts, and finally, son will put you on 'ignore' and block you numbers....." <-------something like this.....

In your post, you wrote.....: "...My question is: Now that he crossed my boundaries, what do I do, SPANK HIM??...Did I do something wrong????..."

So, OK, BobbyJ, we do not order other's actions, but we do order our own actions/reactions/responses..... Does this seem like a workable/doable action/reaction/response for you (and your son).....?


(o:
NoelleR