Alcoholic Wife Back Home
I posted a thread back last year about my wife: She'd gone into in-patient for the second time in a year, and I was very worried about how to protect our 6 and 7 year old boys from the effects of her drinking while alone with them. The original plan was that she would come out of in-patient into some sort of sober living facility somewhere, but it's all kind-of gone haywire since.
First, she decided that she'd join me and the boys for a vacation in AZ over Christmas, and then find sober living out there. This seemed like a good plan, as her parents are out there in the winter and would at least be close to provide support. So we did the vacation (us flying and her driving out since she planned to stay) and then I noticed as the boys and I went to leave her parent's house that she had her bags packed, too. Turns out that as soon as we'd left, she got in the car and left, too, driving to our beach house on the east coast. She said her plan was to stay there a couple of days and then head to Florida for sober living. But again, that didn't happen. She stayed at the beach house for five weeks or so, and then announced that her plan was now to move back to the town where we live and find sober living there. She kept telling me she didn't have a date yet as she was still sorting it out, but this last Sunday, she just turned up at the house unannounced, saying she'd decided to come back early.
So now she's living here again, but at least keeping by my rule that she can't be here with the kids without me. This means she leaves around 3pm just before the nanny gets here, and then comes back in the evening just after I tell her I'm back at the house. The sober living plan is apparently on hold, according to her because she read my emails on my computer and found ones from last year when I was discussing with my attorney whether I could stop her coming back to the house if she refused to get treatment. This is obviously a pretext, as I'd already told her that I would get her out of the house one way or another to protect the kids if she didn't get well, so it can't be a surprise to her to see that I did what I said I was going to do.
I'd lay good money that she's not going to go through with the sober living and instead just stay here. She was also planning to look for a job, but again, that's slipped. She found an opening at a local firm, but "hasn't had time" to send in a resume.
She also wants to go to marriage counselling, but her whole attitude at the moment is so beligerant that while I'll do it, I'm not sure it will do any good. She seems to think it'll be a chance to list all the things she doesn't like about me. For example, I suggested using our pastor for counselling, and her reply was basically, do you really want him to know about those dirty pictures you were looking at on your computer while I was away? (She also spent hours searching my internet history, and no doubt found some things she'd consider unacceptable.) Yeah, I'm not perfect, but I think she believes that she can offset her behavior by finding things wrong with me, to the point where she'll put hours into it so she feels justified.
So, there you have it. I just wanted to get it off my chest. She's at least not drinking, but she's painful to be around. Perhaps it'll get better, but it's going to be a long few weeks while she continues like this.