zrx,
It's maddening, isn't it?
Since when does this disease give a free pass to lying to spouses? Where is that in the bottle itself?
I know exactly how you feel.
Should there be a warning on a bottle of alcohol--this may promote lying?
Well I'm still not buying into that. I never will.
The alcoholic can tell the truth just like anybody else, they simply choose not to, and they make a deal within themselves that they are willing to suffer the consequences if caught.
That said, I agree that monitoring her alcohol intake or being her overseer of how much she drinks, or if she drinks at all, isn't your job. It's her job.
She believes you have crossed the boundary of her privacy. Same old rules apply as if it was anything else that she believes is a private matter.
She also made deals she had no plans to follow through on, which was to tell you if she drank. She placated and pacified, and now look what she has done--lied to you again, all because she made a promise she shouldn't have. What she should have said was that she was the ultimate overseer of her alcohol consumption, and that only she has the right to know exactly how much and when. Yeah, it really is her business alone, same way as it's your business alone what you do in the bathroom when the door is shut.
I think divorcing in anger is a very bad idea.
Have you considered spending that year apart and then, after that long breather, coming home to find out how your lives have changed, how your relationship has changed?
Removing yourself from the vacinity of the object of your anger is going to do you a heck of a lot of good! That distance alleviates the constant state of anger. It subsides, although there will be triggers for a long time.
I divorced out of frustration and anger, and I regret that. I don't know if it was the right decision to divorce because my head is clouded with the fact that the decision was made out of fury.