Hi - I'm a newbie...well, actually, I've been lurking for a just a bit. I'm really sad tonight and just had to reach out into the cosmic void. My husband is what most people would call a functioning alcoholic, although I'm not sure alcoholics do much that I'd call functional. He was not an alcoholic when we married...he might have brought home a six-pack on a Friday night once or twice a month...I consider that reasonable social drinking. But over time, it slowly slipped up on us...maybe starting somewhere around the 4 year mark, and now we're at year 13. His MO has been to consume anywhere from 12 - 18 beers about five nights a week on average. He is an excellent provider, but other than that, he is pretty much detached from anything meaningful. Although he says he loves us and does not want to live without us, I'm not sure what he gets out of this situation that he cannot give up. Don't get me wrong...I love him, but I am just tired...exhausted really. He goes back and forth from acknowledging his problem and how it affects his life in every way...saying he'll get help if he can't quit on his own...to taking a couple of weeks off drinking and then saying he can control it and will only do it on weekends (or whatever the current acceptable frequency is in his mind). I go back and forth between feeling sorry for him and wanting to do an intervention, to just wanting to be done. In all honesty, as I try and decide what course of action to take, my main concern is the kids. They are oblivious to the problem...too young and he always drinks at night...you can't tell he's drunk anyway, except that he talks more (although lately he's taken to getting more angry). He has recently taken a job in another state b/c of course, that's going to make him happy and he won't need to drink anymore, although he's currently still drinking about three nights a week. So I'm thinking, now is the time to get out. He has left the state...I don't have to kick him out, and I also don't have to follow him there, leaving everything and everyone I know and love only to be in the same mess. I will most likely face bankruptcy, but I have plenty of support and will not go hungry or homeless, plus I'm smart
The kids don't miss him b/c they didn't have anything meaningful with him to begin with...he was a non-factor. So when I say I'm concerned about the kids, it is more about whether they'd ever have to go see him without my supervision. Although I wonder if he'd actually pursue that...too lazy. I don't know what I'm asking for...maybe someone to tell me what I already know...I'm just sad...