I know this is veering off topic but...when I talked to XAH about my intentions/boundaries, it just gave him an opening to persuade/guilt/manipulate/argue/blame/etc. Talking to an active alcoholic about this stuff, in my experience, was a waste of my time and caused a lot more trouble than it was worth.
I guess my main issues with kilt's posts is the implicit 'should's in it. It reminds me too much of XAH. 'Friends help friends' is just another way of being guilted into keeping up the codie dance. I divorced XAH even though he told me I should support him in this since I was his wife - alcoholism is a disease and I 'owed' him to stick around while he thought about quitting...