Cyranoak

and I still hear alcoholics say various versions of "we live in a really small town, and he knows most everyone. He's embarrassed that he'll know the counselor. Same with AA, he doesn't want to see people he knows."

While I wouldn't for a second advise you in what decision to make, I will say that from what you posted he is not remotely available for any kind of recovery, whether you are in Tonasket, Washington, or New York, New York.

There is always, always, always an excuse to avoid recovery and accountability. It looks, feels, and smells the same no matter where you live and who says it. He is either, by his actions, committed to recovery or he isn't. You already know this.

So, the question is, are you going to continue to live with it or not? If so, how? If not, how? You are going to have to make a brave decision, because both of these require just that.

For me it was stay with her for six years until I had lost myself entirely, then finally a divorce. Others forfeit their entire lifetimes. I'd encourage you to choose what is best for you and your children, and to leave him to his own decisions around his recovery (which is what he'll do, or not, anyway).

Take care and good luck,

Cyranoak