Thank you brokenheartedfool. Just having someone listen, to talk to & understand means a lot.
She is definately self-destructing, which is why we stressed to her about going to the councelling as it was someone who is not involved with the family who she can talk openly to ( as she always thinks everyone else is going to say "I told you so" about her Ex). But she has to make the call, she has had all the info & encouragement from family but has made no effort.
If I bump in to her again I could say the words you mentioned to her, those are the kind of words we said to her at Christmas but it would be hard to say such nice things to her now after how she has been the last month.
We do think she is almost broke, her savings must have nearly run out & she is not working & family have gone on at her to apply for benefits but she hasn't been bothered but that brings more problems as before as when she can't afford the booze she goes cold turkey & ends up in hospital (will not go to docs to come off it with meds as that would mean she would have to admit she has a problem) so thats probably what will happen next!.
The thing is I love so her much that if she phoned me in that state I would be there like a flash like I have before regardless & I know it. It is so frustrating!