I feel that sheila84. I hope you are doing okay.
This isn't the first time I fantasized about leaving, or left for a few days and then came back.
But, maybe I stayed then for a reason, some higher powers plan. I think about all the nights I was there for my stepsons, to tuck them in with a kiss. And the afternoons I was the one who took them to the park to play ball, the library, for a swim.
So maybe I was here so long for those boys. But now its time to give them a shot to get their real father back. They are the hardest part about leaving.
I don't blame myself for not leaving before, I can't afford to I'd be paralyzed by it. But if I don't leave ever, and nothing changes... that I would blame myself for.
I'm holding onto the idea of some little appt, with no one to tell me its not big enough, what I have to do with my body to get the next thing on the wish list. Just the idea of having control over my body back... wow.