JayR

Smacked . . . I knew the day you checked on me that I'd be hearing from you again . . . and I sincerely thank you for the warnings. I'll include some of the emails I got from my wife in the last few days so you can interpret where you think she may stand with her 'recovery' . . . But my intuition tells me I am communicating with a mature young woman with MUCH experience to help me - and us . . .

Let me explain to everyone here . . . all my comments are based on what I saw progressing very slowly - and the day I posted first here on SR was a low point where her behavior was indicative of full-fledged difficulties with alcohol. That may still be true - and likely is . . . This isn't the first time she has had these issues . . . although they have never been excessive. So this was a slow train rolling - but a train, neverttheless. It was that hidden behavior that alerted me to her dilemma. She just cannot drink alcohol without a negative impact as some of the population can. Like people who are lactose intolerance, she just cannot drink without it stealing her soul and affecting her life.

I am so pleased these additional comments are here. What you think is my naivete is not. I'm watching her - I'm observing her - and I'm keeping her feet to the fire. She doesn't want to lose me - and she knows she failed herself. She also knows she has to change her life habits.

But in her words - and you can take them as mastery of manipulation or not - I see hope. But I truly love ALL of your stern words since I share these with her and it is very much helping us. To just accept my hopeful thoughts will NOT help her. She'll listen to the words that are a counterpoint to my point . . . and that's what your warnings serve as . . .

Here's some of her latest email comments:

This is gonna put a smile on your face or maybe be good for a quick chuckle.
Look at the situation that's at hand like this - now you have a designated driver!
I thought it was funny..............
But honestly - while we go thru all this - I was thinking, "ok, so we go out to dinner and i drink club soda - what a bore - but it's not like I'm with someone who's sitting there next to me getting slammed. You don't drink that much either - so is it really that bad? All good thoughts - in my book.


In response to my analogy of our elliptical trainer ramp rising to make it more difficult to 'pedal' and comparing that to her struggle. (It feels oddly good when the resistance gets stronger in exercise):

That analogy is absolutely brilliant - in my case - because I can relate to it so. And guess what - I think you are a genius - and I don't feel like "why didn't I think of that?" But I still have to tackle that new incline setting - and that is always a struggle - but possible? Damn right it's possible.
I am so thankful that you are discovering things about yourself - as well - that makes me unbelievably grateful - as you must feel when I do. WOW - what have we got going on here? Something pretty marvelous if I had to call it.
You don't have to respond here. Get busy - and know - I'm doing good today.
Love you - bigger than the world,


And lastly:

When you need divinity, it appears. When you need inspiration, it appears. When you need strength, something will strengthen you. All you have to do is keep your faith, work hard to fight the darkness and you'll be rewarded.
That's why we all need a Higher Power in our lives - were just not strong enough on our own. I'm glad I asked mine for help and had you to make me stay on the right path. I dont want to ever lose you and know I would. I can beat this. I know I have to do it alone but I will be better at it with you staying by my side. You won't if I keep going like I started to. What the hell was I thinking? I'm better than that.
Scared and hopeful but committed. 'in sickness and in health' Love you!!!!!


I know these ring true as expressions heard before by manipulators. I'm not that foolish to think it's over, by any means. But no denial by her - acceptance of her failure - admission of a need for help. Aren't these the hallmarks of someone taking the first steps toward sobriety?

I never said we were fixed. But our brief education has us running fast in the other direction - away from the hurt, the lies and the deceipt. What we had will be again. I'm just running behind her so she can't reverse course.

Comments please?

P.S. She's started psychotherapy again, too . . . but also going to get her blood chemistry worked up to look for physical causes for behavior that is unlike her. So we're on the road. I just think I left out some details that may have some here thinking that we're deluded enough to be 'fixed' now. Not even close.......