Jay,
I wasn't going to respond, as all the respnses you have received say everything I would have, or could have said.
I can only urge you to read Smacked's words, with the respect with which they were written.
You see, I could be your wife. I am the same age. My path to alcoholism closely mirrors hers. I too am going thru menopause. I too told my husband the moment that I realized I had shut myself off from God. My husband and I have been married for almost 27 years, and I too am lucky enough to share a beautiful relationship with my spouse.
All of that is wonderful.
The reality is, this alcoholic needed to find the tools necessary to live without my "secret friend". I had to learn how to be inspired to create the wonderful meals, the magical moments, etc. without my secret friend. It sounds sooooo simple, and it simple it is.
Easy it is not.
I had to find a program of recovery for myself in the rooms of AA. My husband had to seek his own path.
When I first confessed the reality of the depths of my disease, we were both so happy, so relieved that it was out. Out of the darkness and into the light. Then healing can begin.
This was a pink cloud.
Reality set in, and the hard work began.
I hope you allow her to find the tools she needs to recover, and I hope you find yours in the rooms of Al-Anon.
Peace..