Your question doesn't sound weird at all, Rechelle. I think it's pretty common. I drove by several meetings a couple times before pulling into the parking lot. Sat in the parking lot for part of one meeting before leaving without going in. So it took me several meetings to finally get the courage up to walk in.
Admitting you need support doesn't make you any less of a smart woman. IMO it shows just how smart you are and courageous. (But I completely understand what you're trying to say about it.)