Jay,
Welcome to SR. You're not alone. I understand your sadness. I too get bogged down with thoughts of the future or disappointment with the past as it relates to my AW.
Take it easy on yourself today. You're tired. Try and get some rest. Keep on reading and posting. We're all here for you.
Memorize the 3Cs. They help. Learning to look at your wife as a person and as another person addicted to alcohol may help. I still love my wife. I hate the alcoholic one.