On the day I left my abf, after months of drinking and sneaking and lying about it, he said that he would stop drinking if I stayed. I said the only way I would stay was if he went right then to the emergency room, and checked himself into a program. He said no. So I left. And it broke my heart, but staying would not have helped either of us.
One year later, after being on my own, without him, he is sober and working a strong program of recovery. He loves me, and I love him. I have worked on my own well being, and have found a peace I have never known before.
One day at a time, we are starting our relationship over, slowly. I believe it can work. I believe there are happy endings. But you have to start somewhere...and I believe you have to start with what is good for you.
My happiness no longer depends on his sobriety. It depends on me and my own recovery from the effects of living with an active alcoholic. And neither of us will ever be "done". Recovery is for the rest of your life, everyday.