Thumper, I don't think you can blame yourself!! You couldn't predict how he would react and you were being practical by staying together until the house sold. You probably had no idea he was capable of that. Even if you or he had left he could have still came after you with the anger.
I think it's hard on the kids at any age. If they're young it's sacry and if they're old enough to understand then they see they parent in a light they should probably never see them in. It's hard either way.
Hugs to you!!