Originally Posted by
jamaicamecrazy 
Boomerlady- do you know my husband? He is the entertainer and a good actor. But you are right, deep down I don't think he really likes himself. He loves a party but prefers to drink alone and listen to the same music or watch the same movie over and over again. He also many OCD tendencies and I often wonder just how much of the alcoholism is tied into that. My AH is a wonderful father and a supportive husband. Kind, loving, talented when he is sober. Boisterous and obnoxious when he drinks but not hurtful. Responsible most of the time. He "earned" his drinking time by doing everything he was supposed to first. I think he feels he can control his drinking but from my perspective it is controlling him. Now all he wants is to do what he wants when he wants-which does not make for a good partner. This I have come to realize. He has been telling me in his actions and words. Why did it take me so long to believe him?
Oh my gosh - I could have written almost all of this!! I am still coming to complete grips with who my AH is and it is only since I have joined this board (just today) that I have actually had the "balls" to call him my
Alcoholic Husband. It was so confusing to me at first that such a wonderful man that I love could wear such a title - it was very hard to accept.
Anyway - he is A LOT like yours. He admits that alcohol is his demon, but does not admit that it is a problem and truly believes that once he has stopped for the night, that tomorrow should go on like nothing ever happened. He is a big time "poor me" drinker, which is now pouring over into his non-drinking hours too. He drinks at home and prefers it and more than half the time he plugs himself into the computer and gets all nostaglic over music which makes him drink even more. Sometimes he gets so highly charged emotionally with the two combined, that I have had to beg him to leave me alone. This includes crying (usually feeling sorry for himself), or drunken claims how "deep" and philosophical he is. When he is not drinking, he is an excellent father, but has been slipping a little in the husband department. He was kind, loving, and talented before alcohol took over, and I still see the old him under this dirty exterior he has created for himself, but right now, I barely know who my husband is anymore. For him, the more he drinks, the more it is all about him and only lately there are days when I barely know I exist on his radar. The alcohol has made his selfishness as a spouse almost all consuming. He does snap out of it once in a blue moon and treats me suddenly with love and respect like he did when he didn't drink. Luckily, our girls are still the apple of his eye.