My husband did that too. He usually started Friday night. Saturday night was a certain. And then he tried to squeeze every last minute out of Sunday night. I just did not get how he could face every Monday morning hung over. A few years back I noticed how tense he was on Wednesday and Thursday night. He always blamed it on his responsibilities dealing with kids and parents at scouting. Now I think he was missing the alcohol. Later he started having a few Thursday night and then Wednesday night-all the while doing stuff around the house. He often said he did not have a problem because he only drank on the weekends. Right before we separated it became Friday to Sunday non stop. He would take a flask with him if we went someplace. He said towards the end that I was the reason he drank so much. That's when I knew how sick he was and that we had to separate. I spoke to him this week for the first time in over a month. He shared quite a bit with me and I was surprised. I did not ask any questions. But he did say this. "I am keeping an eye on my drinking. It is so easy to come home and pop a few beers but I have responsibilities and need to get up in the morning for work. I had to get a new alarm clock because I've slept through mine a few times or maybe its broken." I was wondering if he was trying to convince me or himself. Ironically that was one of my great anxieties was waking him up for work, even though he had his own alarm clock set. If he was late he would yell at me and then call to apologize later. On the outside I was very supportive and said things like"I'm glad you are doing well" On the inside I'm thinking-"You are 50 years old! Are you just realizing something most 20 year olds get when they are tired of partying through college? Besides, I have had no contact with you for a month. What are you blaming the drinking on now?" Sometimes my inner monologue and my outer monologue were not so distinct. I have been accused of being sarcastic and derogatory but I just lose my patience. I'm trying to be more detached. He recently told a story at counseling about how he told me while we were still dating that he had not drank in 3 days and I said, "What do you want a medal?" He said that he should have known then what butch I was. I said that I knew then that he was an alcoholic but I did not want to admite it and I still married him and stayed for 28 years. Sorry I kind of started rambling but I needed to get that off my chest.
It does not matter how often or how much they drink. What matters is the attitude, the need, the obsession with alcohol. I am slowly starting to understand about dry drunks and the alcoholic mentality.