Learn2Live

Hi JayR to SR. Thank you for posting. I would like to focus my post on this:
I am glad that you had the opportunity to discuss things with your spouse. These types of conversations are difficult to say the least and often we need the support of other people to process and get through what you are going through. So first, I'd like to strongly recommend that you also seek out Al-Anon meetings in your community. There you will meet people from all walks of life who have been through and are going through exactly what you are experiencing. There is much strength there. Al-Anon saved my life. Here is a link: How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

Second, what I'd like to gently point out to you regards her asking you for forgiveness. Yes, it is difficult when we have been betrayed. And often, someone "wrongs" us and they apologize. We can forgive a transgression or not. But we often take the drinking personally. We continue to think that the drinking is a wrong against US. But in reality, an alcoholic's drinking has nothing to do with anyone other than the alcoholic. She does not drink and hide her drinking because of you. She drinks because she is an alcoholic and she hides her drinking because she is an alcoholic. The forgiveness she asks of you, though understandable, is wrongly placed. And as long as we operate under the fallacy that we can provide forgiveness to someone for their alcoholism, the alcoholic will continue to believe their "wrong" is only against you. Try to start thinking in terms of letting HER own her disease.

Please take great care of yourself. Try to keep your focus just on today, and not take on trying to figure out what you are going to do about the rest of your life just right now. (((hugs))) Keep coming here, reading and posting.