Rechellef

First of all, my name is Rechelle and I a youthful 43 years of age and am the mom to two awesome girls ages 5 and 3.

I am in a predicament and that is the fact that my AH makes sure that (for the moment) his drinking is almost never seen by our girls as well as drinks only at home and generally when I am in bed. He will even sneak a large beer or two in the driveway or in the car when he gets home so he sometimes hides how much he's been drinking (he works nights, so he is almost always at home long after the girls are in bed). Therefore, my very young girls have no idea that daddy has a very big problem that has a huge effect on mommy. Therefore, they can't quite grasp the deep rooted issues that exist with their father. They have been witness to some of his NEVER violent, but illogical outbursts, but that is not when he is drinking, but is a result of his drinking. He thinks that any sort of counseling or support is a crock, so he continues to chip away at our marriage. Right now, our relationship does remain somewhat strong, but I am not sure for how long. His drinking is slowly chipping away at the foundation of our marriage.

Right now, I just have no idea where to go or what to do. I do plan on attending Al-anon, but the whole leaving him is not a realistic option at the moment. The girls would be beyond angry, hurt, and confused (they worship their daddy) and I would hurt a great deal too. More than anything I want to save what is presently an intact marriage and used to be an awesome marriage. I know that I can only help myself and my girls first, but other than Al-anon, I feel helpless as to what else I can do to hold it together for me and my girls.