My ABF is like this - in a nutshell - Shellcrusher
It drives me batty. Either he's drunk and talking too much and then yelling too much and then fighting too much
OR
He's decided not to drink that day and doesn't say a word all day. He looks like a zombie, but he's actually soaking everything up and getting ready 'til when he does have a drink, to blow (or Quack).
I take those quiet days and actually try to do some of my OWN thinking. When I don't feel that 'pull' of his neediness, I'm able to focus on myself temporarily.
But I know it's a Catch-22, in the sense that you can never respond correctly. As they say here - detach if you can, so you won't pick up the passive aggressive vibes from when she is silent.