Good God Kitty,
Except for your first two sentences, none of what you are saying is remotely consistent with the message of Al-Anon, AA, or the 12-Steps. This is truly remarkable. What happened to you that you have such a huge axe to grind?
AA and Al-Anon are not the cause of these marriages demise. Alcoholism and Co-Dependency are the cause.
One Harvard study means nothing, you are extrapolating meaning based on a very clear bias, and 78.2 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Unless you personally have participated in Al-Anon or AA for any significant period of time, you are speaking out of turn about both.
12-Step recovery does not work for everyone, and that's ok. However, the idea that it promotes divorce, or promotes not being supportive of your spouse is ignorant and laughable. Especially when "studies" and "statistics" are used to justify it.
It also doesn't talk overtly about being a good parent-- does that mean it is against being a good parent? What it really promotes is taking care of yourself first, so you can take care of the things that are important to you, whatever those things or people are.
My wife and I are together today, after 13 years, because of AA and Al-Anon. I can say definitively that we would not be together if we were not working our 12-Step programs, and if we did not leave her work to her, and my work to me.
With all due respect, it is impossible for you to be more wrong about AA, Al-Anon, and the 12-Steps in the context of marriage, and your bias against it is crystal clear.
Originally Posted by
KittyP 
My point is that the steps, promises and traditions are about how to live your life. And people are told that the steps are necessary to live their life. Yet nothing in the steps tells people that they must learn how to have healthy relationships and that real life needs to be prioritised. An awful lot of marriages end when the addict joins AA. As high as 25%. Certainly some marriages will end naturally with sobriety. A person may get sober and realise that their marriage was not right for them. But no other recovery method results in anything like as high an amount of failed marriages.
Nobody said you needed a successful spouse just that having a supportive spouse is the most common factor of recovered and recovering alcoholics, please don't twist what I'm saying.
The importance of a supportive spouse in recovery was a big part of the conclusion of a wide-ranging study carried out by scientists at one of the world's of the most preeminent centre's of medical science, Harvard Medical School.