Hm,
My first husband was an insanely self-destructive person--the kind of guy who would punch walls or signs when he was angry (never threatening toward others)--talked a lot about dying young and stuff. He got sober when he was 21 (and has stayed that way for 31 years--sober, that is). My second husband would run hot and cold--a jovial, convivial drunk most of the time, but also capable of hostility and anger with fits of shouting. Neither one was abusive toward me, though the second one could be hurtful. The emotional abuser in my life scarcely ever drank, didn't use drugs--he was just a garden-variety screwed-up person with whom I became enmeshed.