You know I can't really remember my moment when I realized I was one. I was a binge drinker and so my first drunk experience, I remembered thinking I had "found it." It was only once every couple of months...then once a month...then every couple of weeks...then almost once a week. When I started dating him, I do remember the moment I realized it had become everyday. It was a sunday afternoon and I was passing out on his couch around 4-5 in the afternoon like I had done for a few Sundays in a row. I'm not sure I thought about it much...I was just doing it. Kind of like how you get up everyday and take a shower and go to work.
Because he was a happy drunk, I never thought he would become mean. But a "happy drunk" isn't really happy. That's just a mask.
And then we were fighting all the time. And week after week I would think, maybe next time I won't say that wrong thing or I won't react to him getting mad at me or whatever. (it was an abusive relationship.) And I finally had this moment where I realized that you just can't make a relationship work on alcohol. It sounds so stupid now, but at the time I just couldn't wrap my head around that. Because it's legal and so many people drink, for some reason I thought there was nothing weird about what I was doing. Crazy huh? Guess that was the denial.
Now that I'm sober and so far away from it, I can't believe I was doing that!!