You are trying hard already.
IME, just like yours, my head was there well before the rest of me. Recovery doesn't make the feelings go away, it gives us better ways of handling them. Feelings are normal we have just learned dysfunctional ways of dealing with them.
Over time I have discovered that some things do not impact me as greatly, or at all, but it did take time and I'm hopeful that as I continue on things will get even better. What I would like is for my first response (not first feeling) to be more automatic and less a forced go through this list or thought process.
I still have trouble (see my recent thread if you need proof, lol) but I don't really see it as a set back - more of a continuation - a little bump.
In my personal journey I need to also do a lot of boundary work but I see that as related to, but differnt from responding to the feelings.