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Old 02-04-2011, 11:31 PM
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BobbyJ
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Is Damage Forever??

Long story short (or atleast I will try..lol)

Im one of those wives who has been living without the education on alcoholism. Thought all they had to do is just quit drinking..It was a choice. Well, after attending 2 days of classes at my AH 30 day rehab center & tons of reading. Guess I blew smoke out of my mouth for 15 years for nothing.
I learned alot about the effects & affects..Big eye opener!!

Married, with 2 grown kids (Mine,not his). Many years of protecting & guarding against his stupid behavior or verbal abuse.

There was a couple of choices that he made along the way with my daughter, that lead me to hell in my life. Took her to a bar underage,
would text her mean things & call her names. (which I just found out 2 months ago) Threanted to hurt her boyfriend & take her baby away from her.

As a mom I protected her, then I protected her double time from him. So I have learned that I totally smoothered her, without knowing what I did.

This pushed her away from me, she soon got on drugs, was in an abusive relationship & married him anyways, followed with a baby. The past 2 years, I havent had much of a relationship with her. She has called me every name in the book & wished me to rot & go to ______. She tells everyone what a bad mom I am and just NOW after 2 years, she tells everyone my husband "likes her". They use to be best friends and now this...WTH???

He swears up & down, he never did anything, he never had no blackouts. All he says is, she is on drugs and he is sorry for taking her to the bar. Admits he was acting like a friend instead of a father figure..(Thats what alcoholics do, you know) so his group session have told him...bad choices!

I have NEVER really forgiven him for that, I try..But it keeps on coming up...
I believe it was his choice, and now I pay. I have lost my daughter over it.
If he wouldnt have done it, she would of stayed living at home and continued to be a fun loving beautiful lady. But I moved her away, once again, to protect her from all of the awful rumors in a small town. She was excited to move & we stayed very close for the next year..Then it all went down the toliet..

My son is awesome.He tells me all the time, Mom, your the best mom ever!!!
He is about the only person who keeps me sunny side up in life.
I busted my rear my entire life to make a good life for my kids, They are everything to me..My son calls me everyday, just to say he loves me.

So 2 years later, I have all of the symptons: Broken home, messed up kid, hiding out, locked up keys/purse, financial mess, broken heart, no trust, guilt, and a hole lot of sadness, with a huge sack of confussion.

While he was in his 30 day rehab, I packed up all of my kids things, cried over all of their baby pictures. (All I wanted was a normal happy family)
Boxed up most of my sentimental things & donated the rest. The house seems very empty, but very clean looking...lol

We are still living in the same house together now, and that is NOT easy!! I have lots of resentment & a whole lot of mixed feelings that I dont know how to sort out.

There are alot of questions that I just cant find the answers too about my life.I feel like I have lost my everything..My kids, My daughter, My husband, My family.....

Will I ever get to see my daughter or my grandbaby? Will I ever trust him? What is love? Why am I staying here? What do I do now? Will I ever get that thing back called, family??..The list goes on...

With him home now, he is gone almost every night to classes. Has lots of short term memory loss..(that he says will come back in time) lack of work ethics, lack of self hygeine and of course slurps his coffee, which drives me nuts! lol I thought he would come home & be ready to get out there & work like a man.NOT..Not much of a drive there, likes to drink coffee now & talk on his phone alot..I have heard the "Im sorry, but thats in the past & today Im sober, wish I could change it, but I cant" sorry...

Our friends are gone. I have learned what hibernation is all about. Hiding him and hiding from people. Hiding his drinking. Hiding my hurt & hiding my broken heart...Never realized what I was doing until now.

His counselor told me, He has been a hard drinker for many years (Straight Whiskey, a 5th every 3 days then progressed to one - 5th a day) so dont expect miracles to happen over night..That made me feel much better..lol

I swore I was not going to be his mother anymore: I dont cook, clean, grocery shop, pay bills..unless it is for me. He doesnt understand that part yet..Take a look around the house..YUCK!

Our conversations consist of whats going on with the guys at rehab,the dogs and on a good day..the weather. He is a very kind person inside & does have a great heart, when he is sober. How long will that last, is my question..
He is the nicest guy you could ever meet. But you give my little kitty a platter of milk & he turns in a tiger! People around us, dont have much respect for him left and they dont understand the effects of an alcoholic & the behind the door scene at home. We are surrounded with alot of heavy drinkers, but of course they dont see it as a problem. Im not a drinker, so
to me it doesnt take much to seem like a person is a heavy drinker.
In the publics eye, they see it just as I did..They can just stop quit drinking..

Pressure is on from him, his family & everyone on my side "So whats your plans?"....Crap....If I only had a plan, I could give everyone a answer.

How do you know, when damage is trashed, beyond repair?


I keep on working the steps, but feel like it's a revolving door...
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