Hi
CourageousCrane. In case I haven't said it already,
to SR. You've come to the right place
This:
doesn't want to lose me, loves me, needs me
Is truly KEY. Let me ask you something. How old is your BF? Is he old enough to drive? Old enough to hold a job? Old enough to mow the lawn? Because a man who is old enough to do these things is old enough to stand on his own two feet. And expecting a man that old NOT to do so, is not healthy or really honoring him as a grown human being. Nor would he be someone I personally would want as a partner. A want a MAN, not a toddler who needs me to hold his hand when he has to go to the doctor.
he wants me to come over and be with him
Why? Is he scared of the dark and can't sleep?
i don't know what to do.
Yes you do. You're just distracted by this whiny crybaby who instead of taking care of himself like an adult, wants his mommy to come hold his hand and give him all the attention.
i want to support him and love him, but i am so so so scared that this will be another reason for him not to quit. do i keep up the tough love? do i give in? i love him and don't want to lose him, and am completely lost now...
The best and healthiest way to show your support and love for another human being is to TAKE THE BEST POSSIBLE CARE OF YOURSELF AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN (not yelling at you, just stressing the importance of this statement). This means focusing MOST of your energies on YOU and YOUR responsibilities, be they children, home, exercise, eating right, pampering yourself, or whatever it is you need. The fact that you feel FEAR and that the only way out you can see is to cave to his childish demands, is a danger sign for you. Are you afraid that you will lose him? To what? The rest of his life? You can't actually lose someone, as we don't actually own or have anyone but ourselves to begin with.
I hope something I have said is helpful to you. I strongly recommend that you find an Al-Anon meeting and go. (((hugs))) Be good to yourself first. Let the rest take care of themselves.