Old 02-04-2011, 01:23 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Chelle3
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 58
I'm in a similar situation as you: 18 yr marriage to an active AH. It sucks!

I'm a nurse, so I'm familiar with the 5 stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining. depression and acceptance. I watched myself go through the steps when my AH told me he wouldn't be here if it weren't for the kids and that we wouldn't make it after they'd gone.

1st I didn't think he really meant what he said. I kept asking him if he was sure. He never could figure out if he meant it or not. That was denial.

Then I got angry and got a counselor. That was VERY helpful. I journal everytime I feel the anger come on. Write whatever comes to my mind.If I die and they find my journal they won't believe what I was thinking and felt.
I also paint, so I painted several angry women.

I'm in the bargaining phase, requested a divorce myself and then 2 weeks later agreed to try to "work things out." I now know that's probably a mistake.

The things that have helped the most are therapy, journaling, taking care of myself and planning something I enjoy each day and now I've added Alanon. Attended my first meeting and it was a huge blessing.

I'm also going to work part time and will begin school full time in summer to get my masters, so I really know what you're goign through.

I can see that although work, school, kids and becoming poor will be hard, it's not as hard as living with someone who is unable or unwilling to love you. There is nothing that hurts worse than that. We deserve more.
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