Originally Posted by
Hailee 
Do you really feel that after 4 months sober he still can't be trusted alone with my babies?
Be tough on me--I need it. Open my eyes. Please
Babysitting I thought would be okay IF he is sober. I don't know if he is or not bc there is no way to tell from 1000 miles away. His behavior does not indicate that he iw working any steps bc he is still angry at me.
Hailee, I hate to say it, but you are really the only person who can decide if you can trust him with you little ones. 4 months not drinking is different from 4 months working recovery. IMO though, if you're questioning the truth of his statements that he's working the steps, there's a reason. Trust your gut. If he's lying to you about recovery, he's likely lying about not drinking. (XAH thought it was true to tell me he wasn't drinking if he hadn't had a drink in the past couple minutes.) I no longer trust DS alone with some one who I can not trust to stay sober while he had him. Free/cheap daycare is not a good deal if it comes with doubts about their safety.
Originally Posted by
Hailee I also have had no real boundaries established and don't even know how to go about stating and establishing such. That's how sick I am. Any suggestions where to start?
I am no where near an expert on setting boundaries - I wouldn't even say I'm a novice.... One thing that is helping me is the idea that the boundaries are for me. They are to help me figure out what is unacceptable behavior and what I will do if I experience it. I don't have to state the boundary to the offender. Yet. Maybe never. Knowing what I don't want to put up with is step number 1.
My first one (at least that was a conscious statement): I will not listen to any one tell me that I'm stupid. If some one tries to, I will say "I'm done." and walk away or hang up. I haven't stated that boundary out loud to XAH, but I did use it, maybe not so eloquently, but still... Now I just have realize all the different ways he and his GF are doing that.
It is hard. Don't be so hard on yourself. It will be OK; you already are OK. Just, please, remember some where in you hectic schedule to take care of yourself, too. Hugs.