from jrlcpl: I often wonder if I am subconciously attracted to/attracting an addictive type person. I am going through a divorce and would love to eventually meet someone else, but I am scared to death I will go down the same road.
I was freaked out when I got divorced too about my future relationship possibilities and my poor choices in a partner. My codependency, learned at the feet of my A dad and codie mom, was a big reason for my miserable marriage.
I got myself into therapy during the first year after I split up with my exH. I really wanted to know how to change my ways and I needed that weekly appointment to keep me on track. I also went back to AlAnon for a while and reinforced the tools I had learned there in my 20s.
I've been in the healthiest relationship of my life now for 10 years.
1. I picked a better candidate and
2. I really changed my bad habits of mind
Sometimes codependent traits creep up on me but I have the knowledge and tools now to slay those dragons and I keep practicing my healthy behaviors. Not easy, but worth it.
Cyranoak your original post was awesome. While I agree with people saying don't beat yourself up - I too had a list like this and I too was angry - I needed to be clear-eyed and honest with myself - not to beat myself up but just to get real and responsible. I needed that anger to fuel my motivation for change. Yes, if I was still looking back and still pi**ed off years after coming clean honestly with myself, then I'd think I had issues - but if you're just making this list now (even if it happened in 98) and removing the veil then I say congratulations - a new bright and peaceful future awaits you, if you find the way that works for you to change your harmful habits of mind!
Peace--
B