*big hugs* and welcome..
At the risk of me getting a rep for being a bit 'tough love'.. I have to say.. I've been hit, shared with friends, pimped out for money, emotionally abused
That, is NOT love. That, is NOT coming from a good person. That, is someone using and abusing you in quite frankly a horrific way. Sweetheart, love is cherishing you and being glad you are in his life. It's caring about your well-being and not doing anything intentionally to harm that. It's not all Disney and perfect.. love can be downright painful and crazy making at times.. but REAL love is not cruel, abusive and harmful.
I urge you to get help.
I know why you are tired. I've been there.
I know why you are clinging to him. I've been there.
I know you can do a whole heap better. I'm there!
My BF loves me. I know this because I too have experienced the kind of 'love' you are talking about. It's the polar opposite to the 'love' I knew with my ex. With my ex, the kind of crazy I had was setting up fake suicides, verbal abuse and other nuttiness.. with my (non-A) BF, the craziest he gets is spending ages, in the wee small hours of the morning, setting up elaborate ways to record a MP3 of him reciting Pablo Neruda love poems!
See the difference?
Tx