Hello justsotired and welcome!
It sounds like you want help for yourself and you've come to the right place! There will be folks along very soon who helped me more than they will ever know. I just want to welcome and encourage you. Things can be better! No one can help him but himself. One thing that helped me a lot was to read the stickys at the top. They have tons of useful information to educate yourself on the disease of alcoholism.