Cyranoak

The next years were a very predictable roller coaster of pain, learning, more pain, more learning, and ultimately a divorce. What an incredible relief.

The next two years were very relaxing, and it was beautiful to not have to come home to a pathetic, whiny, "poor me," drunk. I didn't have to deal with the break up other than feel the pain I was feeling, along with the relief and freedom. It was catharctic.

Then, and this is how nutty I am, after a sustained period of sobriety (white knuckle, not working a program) she approached me and asked me if I would give us another chance.

You know where this is going.

Three more years of pain, learning, more pain, more learning, then jail. It appears that jail may have been her bottom. That was last year, and she is now very actively working an outpatient program, and also AA, with no signs of relapse (and after 8 years in Al-Anon I'm no longer blind to the signs, nor do I use denial to deal with them). She has become a different woman, and we are learning to live together in a sober relationship. It has been very, very hard.

The real victim in all of this, much more so than me or my wife, has been our now 15-year old daughter. She, more than anything else, is why I should have left.

Let me close with this-- despite the fact we are together today, and that I love this woman very, very much, if I had it to do over again I would not. THERE IS NO QUESTION OF THIS. I would never advise anybody to go through what I did, for as long as I did, just to end up where I am now.

Many people, and God Bless them, say they are glad they went through this because it made them who they are today. That is a very legitimate view, and is their truth. I am not one of those people. I was happy before her-- very happy. I'm not happy now.

Before, I lived, and looked forward to each and every day. Now I just exist, and try to make it to the next day.

Save yourself.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak