I Need Advice/Input
Hi It's me Hailee with another request for advice! My AH whom I have been seperated from for 3.5months (went to live with his parents when I threw him out), is stressing me out from 1000 miles away!
He swears he has been sober this whole time attending AA 2 meetings a day, sponsor, reading, the whole 9. Problem is he does not behave as if he is. He did come up over MLK weekend and spend time with our babies, girls 7, 5, and 16mo old son and he was awesome. Had the BB in his suitcase looked good, talked like he was trying to recover and understand. When he went back to his parents, he just seems like the same old AH. When I question him about his financial responsibility to us at home he gets mad. He has not given me 10cents since he left, is not working, etc etc. Spends his days with his parents cooking his meals, paying for everything, and they even bought him a used pick up truck $6000.
I asked him to come back here if he is sober and watch his children so I can work and save money on babysitting ($150 week). I am a RN and I work 12 hour night shifts. He isn't in any hurry to do that either. He wants to "work on the relationship" Then when he gets really mad, he says he won't come back home and live like roommates to help me out with the kids and "be my b**ch". As soon as we start to have a heated disagreement he calls me really he is txting) disgusting names, cursing.
His bottom line is this. He feels that if I "treat him the way that I INSIST that he treats me, then all of our problems will be solved" "its an easy fix, he is willing to discuss it with me etc etc. He says the ball is in my court.
My impression is that he does not want to be in our children's lives if we are not a couple. If he can't have me, then he doesn't want them. I just said to him when he was complaining about what a princess I act like, (because I won't take his abusive language) that "we should not have to be together for you to be a father. That really makes him mad.
I don't know if I can handle the guilt of their father not wanting to be with them bc of me. I have a little boy who needs a dad (even a supervised one).(lol) WTF? Is this just talk on his part? He says he is sober but I don't think people in AA for 3.5 mos think like this/act like this. How am I supposed to raise a son with no father figure and two little girls? I can physically do it I guess. I think the psychological impact of being rejected by him will cause so much damage, it may not matter how great a job I do.
Do I go into biblical couples counseling with him and try this again? Is he just bluffing? How should I react? He e-mailed me yesterday and I have not responded yet. Waiting to get good advice from you guys!