I put a boundary today, my dad, uncle and sister are in an email chain about a house being sold. My sister and I are the legal owners of the house.
My uncle mentioned something about how the money could be handled after the house is sold. I was about to write stuff about my mom and her plans. And my plans.
Then I decided that is not their plan to make, the only ones that have to agree are my mom, my sister and I. And I can talk to them separately. My uncle or dad doesn't have to know everything and have no say.
Not that there's anything wrong, but my dad never gave my mom (and seldom gives his kids) any "heads up" about what's cooking and never ever asked our opinions. He has done whatever he finds appropiate for him.
So I just commented on relevant stuff about the home and leave it at that. I don't have to explain everything to everyone, I don't have to ask for feedback all the time, I don't have to ask for permission. I also have to respect my mom and her privacy.
It is useful for me to see how others put boundaries and what the others provide me, so I know what is fair to provide
them... a fair exchange of energies and efforts.
Another thing about boundaries is what Shellcrusher mentions, you don't have to go to the person and necessarily say "here I will put a boundary"...
Anyway there have been threads about this topic I am wishing to bump for you, let me find them first
