I'm reading a lot of good things here on this thread. duq, you seem really insightful into your situation.
I feel like I have to watch over a child.
You are right. The downside to this is that an alcoholic is an adult. They can legally do whatever they want. When you are watching a child, you are in charge and can keep a child in-line. But an alcoholic gets to act like a child and there is nothing you can do about it. You become more like a prisoner or hostage.
maybe if you liked to drink more, we would get along better
Not true! I am that person. My exBF and his wife got a divorce. His ex-wife was not a big drinker. I drank like a fish. He seemed to think that our relationship would work out better because I drank. We fought like cats and dogs. Of course, I wasn't there nagging him about his drinking and trying to make him stop. But you just can't make a relationship work on alcohol because bad decisions are made, you overreact and are emotional to things and just plain old self-destruct.
You slowly lose yourself because they want you to be as low as them.
Yup! I finally got out and got sober. I can see exactly that now. They want you to be as low as them so you will stay.
I'm glad to see how much of this you are seeing. Good job!