thank you all so much for help. Dancing your situation gives me lots to think about.
Totally agree, shoveling, cooking and randomly "helping out" does not equal recovery or sobriety. I have been very clear with him that in order to be at home with family he needs to be sober! For me this means extended time not drinking and being in some sort of recovery/plan to maintain that sobriety. He has shown repeatedly that 30 days is not enough. It is sort of his breaking point.
Without going to courts, I am not sure he would respect my request to stop coming around. In past, he has thrown out that he has a right to be with kids and it is his house! I have called police once during seperation when he insisted he was coming home and staying over. He left before they arrived. This happened only once.
For now, I like the idea of leaving when he is around. Either going to gym or book store. Or at minimum, another room. Maybe that will make things clearer that he is there for a visit with kids. Not to have any relationship with me. That is not possible until he is fully sober.