Recovery, Marlin, is not about following, or being a sheep, or cutting and running. It is about awareness, acceptance and action. It is about peace, and serenity, such that most of us, before or without Recovery, could never even imagine existing, much less attain.
If you start going to AlAnon, you will begin to see the unhealthy ways in which you may be entwined with the alcoholic/addict in your life. And perhaps ways you may react to the situation that keep you mired in it.
It does sound like you have a LOT on your plate.